Two sides of life in Bali
Living in Bali is a dream for some people. Those who come over on hoilday, often gush about the Bali and the Balinese, is this place the closest thing to paradise? I hear many stories from expats aboutl ife in Bali, some good, some not. Everyone has their own opinion and I think its worth hearing them. A Bali expat sent me a email about how her Bali dream turned sour. I’m not saying I agree with all her comments, but this is what she wrote.
i have been living in bali since 2000, i got married
with a balines man two years ago, i have a baby one
year old and i was totally in love with bali and
balinese people until now, since two weeks ago my
opinion about balinese people has change totally
i need to say to somebody what i think or how i feel
now
now way they are 99% good people, balinese are
jeoulosy, sorry don´t know the word in english, they
have a lot envy, they live only by and for the
religion and the banjar, they follow the banjar and
the ceremony templos just by rutine many times, they
have not idea about what is commitment, compromise,
responsability, iniciative, they are dificult people
when there is a problem around, they hidden themself
and they run away, they don´t know how to face a
problem, they have not compassion, they have nice and
beautiful smiles outside but many times are not real
at all, they can be very arrogant, very machist, the
balines woman suffered a lot, there is a lot fare
about black magic, many people believe in this and
they are so scare about that, they run away from their
jobs many times without say anything, they are not
that good with children as we all foreigners think all
the time, it is only that they are all the time with
children because the most of them are not working,
that doesn´t mean they are better than westernes with
children, man are lazy and they could be all day lying
down, sitting on the banjar and sleeping, a lot
balines has not experience about anything or have not
knowlege at all about anything, they are very
ignorant, focus totally in their life at the banjar
and at the temples, they have not values in life, has
not education, but of course they smile and
smile…….laugh all the time, this makes them so
nice and good……they are dangerous, better don´t
make a balines ungry with you becuase he could kill
you or do anything, black magic……this is another
planet really, people thinking and living in diferent
ways, nothing to do with the rest of us, we always be
tamu and outsides always always, we are so diferent,
there is a lot human mysery behind their smiles,
everybody knows my problems now and knowbody seems to
know anything, nobody really cares or nobody wants to
help, they are deaf, damn…..nobody want to mix with
the problems of the other people, they don´t have
mind, thoughts, opinions, they follow their banjars,
they don´t questions anything, they are egoists,
really egoists, they are really coward, very coward,
they are not interested about the world around them,
they are happy with the ceremonies and their banjar or
it seems like everybody thinks that, are they really
happy????? they ask you all the time stupid questions,
sudah mandi, balum mandi, sudah makan, going up to the
road to my house a neigboard is asking me mau ke
mana?????? aduhhhhhh pulang of course, sometimes I get
sick answering these kind the questions, really
stupids even when I have been doind these as well for
fice years, but now aduhhhhhhhhhh all my beautiful
life in Bali is a fake, everything has been a lie,
everybody has not been that helpful nice and good
people, they are weak, run away, they are like
children……..
aduhhhhhhhh sorry to tell you all this this is a
nighmare and i am only only me, i am terrible lonely
in a society i don´t understand anymore and nobody
seems to be nice, my husband has been a evil for two
weeks and i don´t understand what is happening, here
nobody is doing anything, not his family, not the
people around, i could say friends but not i realise
that i have not friends, even when i know a lot a
lottttt people, his beautiful smile terjadi now a
monster and now i have not idea what to do, just pray
and pray to keep my mind sane, because i have a baby,
i am trying not to get crazy and be strong in front of
my little putu……
just now i only can say that bali is not the paradise
and balinese people are not as good as everybody
thing, there is a lot back sides about balinese
people, about their culture and their tradictions but
it seems like nobody talk about that, i don´t think i
am the only person who think this, a culture without
values……..
balines can be very agressive as well, they have not
idea about what is honor, responsability, loyalty,
malu, work, friendship, it seems like everything in
bali has harmony and it is very good but not, not
sorry, look some families……some people…..
please pray for me maybe I am already starting to be
crazy as well
By Nick | Permalink
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Comments
Now–do we have a pint of what she is drinking?or do we take this onboard?If she married a Balinese cit well then she has got to respect their culture.I donn’t know where she is from but definately not a westener.
Look this is no different to any marital prob in any culture.Wether or not you are same culture,nationality,religion–whatever it is all give and take and understanding.If you can talk,discuss and compromise–go for it.If you can’t back off.Ask yourself –Why did i get into this relationsip in te first instance–if the positives outweigh the negatives you can build on it if not cut your losses and go!Meantime don’t bag the balinese people they are NOT all the same.
Cheers laurs
Hey Barrie are you the latest agony Aunt?I will help ya!!!!!!
Yeah you would really be stepping out into the void if you have kids and marry a Balinese guy for the average western woman. The culture shock would stalk you and then destroy you if you did not educate yourself about their dharma. You would have to accept the banyar, the jealousy and the black magic before getting involved, it really is there for all to see if you bother to research. The best thing about living and being in Bali is not the Balinese but Bali itself. The spirituality of the people like elsewhere has as many inherent disadvantages as advantages attached. Also don’t expect a high degree of intellectual pursuit or world knowledge most people are just trying to survive day to day. And don’t be surprised in an Islamic country if your relationship disintegrates and you want to leave the country that your kid does not automatically follow..
we all have problems… but where i’m coming from (that’s new york, ny by the way), praying is usually not the solution! 
I think there’s more truth to that email than most of us would care to admit.
Wait..wait…So she doesn’t like the Balinese because they focus on Banjar & Temple or because they belum mandi?..or because they are coward?
I think this is a genuine email, not a wind up. I think this lady went through the same mental process as many people, in that she bought into the ‘Bali Dream’ (which is part western fantasy).
Most people get back to Earth after a while. This lady came back to Earth in one step. Obvioulsy she had some minor pentup grievances, that were aired after her husband went psycho.
Ok so the poor girl is feeling the effects of living anywhere in Indonesia not just Bali,I have enough experience to know that if you are going to live any in Indonesia there is a chance that sooner or latter if you are not getting out occasionally you will spin out,which seems to be the case with you.Be very carefull when spinning out anywhere in RI because you will find that the people will not know how to help thats unless like in my case you have a very tight group of friends.I never left RI for 5 years straight and now I have another problem “I cant adjust back to the western life style,At least in RI there are smiles and questions like “Uda Mandi Belum” Treat these triviol questions as nice little snippits of Indonesian life and say to yourselfe “at least they say something.”
Last but not least “If you are a westerner living permantly anywhere in RI you must get out at least once a year to see the west, if you dont you run the risk of loseing the ability to see what is nice about life in RI .
If the lady that wrote that email would like to contact me direct for some support she is more than welcome ,
Regards Slamet
Welcome in the real world. Many of what she wrote has a true site, but it is not so difficult to see that kind of things before you get more involved instead after two years of marriage with a balinese man, in my humble opinion. I am “just a tourist”, coming already 20 years many times to Bali. I think this opinion is more a cry in a marriage crisis.
I know Bali since 1982. I am married to a balinese girl for 15 years and we have 3 boys. We live in Europe and spend our holidays regularly in Bali.
Many things in the ladys email have a true and real background. But it is obviously written out of personal frustration and fear. What happens to her, can happen to anybody living in a culture which is not his own. Therefore it cannot be a valid judgement about balinese people, their life, social behaviour, religion and culture in general. Anyway - don’t judge; accept or go away! The problem is, that as foreigners we are all “short-sighted” and unconciously look at them through our specific lenses. My experience is, that any approach to the Balinese based on western values and traditions will fail. You will end up in telling them what is right and wrong and trying to change them. That would be the end of their unique culture. The island and its people are that fascinating to some of us, BECAUSE they are so DIFFERENT. That has nothing to do with good or bad. If - ladies - you don’t like lazy machos without education and knowledge in our sense, who do nothing but sitting around, “live only by and for the religion and the banjar”, attend cockfightings, deal with black magic etc., don’t marry one of them. If you can’t stand their proper life in ALL its facettes, which you anyway will never understand completely, spend your 2-week holidays in a tourist-ghetto in Nusa Dua, don’t settle down in Bali.
To all Expats in Bali - if you want to do some good to that island - leave it; to all tourists - stay in your hotel-ghetto.