Dating a Javanese girl in Bali

by Nick on December 11, 2006

by Nick | December 11th, 2006  

Bali has expats from all over the world, including what I sometimes refer to as local-expats. People from Java, Sumatra and other islands, come here for work and that adds another dimension to the social scene. For a westerner thinking about dating a girl from Java, there are a few tips you should know. Her understanding of western culture is going to be skewed by TV and living in a holiday environment, where everybody is a ‘rich man’. Expectations can be wildly out of whack. I know expats who have started dating a new girlfriend, only to have her quit her job and try to move in.

When dating a girl from Java, you have to remember her situation. She came to Bali for work, sometimes that might be a job in a hotel, restaurant or shop, other times it might mean being the full-time girlfriend of a westerner. There are plenty of girls over here, who have no interest in a regular job, realizing their best chance in life, is to find a western guy to look after them. The best strategy is to avoid girls without jobs, if you are planning on a relationship that lasts longer than a weekend. The ones who work generally are honest, and expect to pull their own weight.

Regardless of what any Javanese girl says about food, she prefers rice with everything. Do not waste time taking her to Bali Bakery for breakfast, wait until 10am-11am and go over to Warung Batavia on Jl. Raya Kerobokan, she will love it. Warung Batavia serves distinctly Javanese food, and you will get no complaints. Javanese girls often catch a lot of flack from Balinese locals, who attach a label to them, of being bed-warmers for bules. A girl who works in a regular job, may feel uncomfortable accompanying you, in an environment where there are a lot of Balinese locals, especially men.

If you date a Javanese girl, and she starts waving to other customers in the restaurant / bar, that is a heads-up that she has been around. You may not want to pursue that situation too long. In Indonesia, ‘decent girls’ don’t hang out in bars, drink, smoke or have tatts. Sure there are tourists from Jakarta, out here in Bali to have a good time, that’s different. In general, you’ll get a good idea about a Java girl, by her dress style, drinking and smoking. Do not offer to buy drinks for a new friend, and all her companions. Latching onto a friendly tourist is a sport out here. If you do get someone a drink, make sure its either a Coke of a small beer and order it yourself. You do not want the waiter arriving, with a tray of cocktails with your friend saying, “Sorry I thought you said my friends could have a drink.”

The positives of dating a Javanese girl, are related to the fact that she is away from the constraints of home and family. She can do what she wants, and no one is going to expect you to commit to marriage anytime soon. Many Javanese girls are Muslim, but unless you ask them you probably will never know, as the form of Islam over here is moderate. Many Javanese girls will be more familiar with the party scene, than a Balinese. Bear this in mind if you are looking for a partying companion.

A while back I was sitting in a bar and 3 older American guys, who turned out to be college professors, came over and joined me. One guy leaned over and said in a totally serious voice, “Do you think its possible for me to get a girlfiend while I’m over here.” Yes it is possible, in many fashions. There are great looking girls around, who will date a foreigner for a week or however long, on a ‘mutually beneficial’ understanding. You’ll have to work it out yourself, maybe your personality alone will be enough.

Girls wearing the traditional hair covering, will not date you so do not bother. If your girlfriend is Muslim, try to respect and support her in her religious commitments especially during the month of Ramadan. Dating a Javanese girl can be an interesting experience, if both parties are open and relaxed.


{ 19 comments }

Eddie Tansil December 11, 2006 at 9:26 am
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You paint the picture that all of these girls are opportunistic hookers. Or if they are away from home they are an easy lay.
This may be so in the Kupu Kupu Malam realm, applicable to both male and female. However the tarred brush with which you paint is way out of whack. Not all Indonesian women are as as you put it…” realizing their best chance in life, is to find a western guy to look after them”.

Women wearing a hijab are not uninterested.. its just you dont find these women in bars and clubs.

Most Indonesian women have higher moral fibre and far better integrity than their bule counterparts.

One mans blog is not everyones experience.

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Nick December 11, 2006 at 10:01 am
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As someone said a while ago, ‘if you meet a woman on Jl. Dhyana Pura, she is already damaged goods’.

Here’s some of the comments from the article above.
……..
When dating a girl from Java, you have to remember her situation. She came to Bali for work, sometimes that might be a job in a hotel, restaurant or shop, other times it might mean being the full-time girlfriend of a westerner.

The best strategy is to avoid girls without jobs, if you are planning on a relationship that lasts longer than a weekend. The ones who work generally are honest, and expect to pull their own weight.

A girl who works in a regular job, may feel uncomfortable accompanying you, in an environment where there are a lot of Balinese locals, especially men. [for fear of being labled a hooker]

If your girlfriend is Muslim, try to respect and support her in her religious commitments especially during the month of Ramadan. Dating a Javanese girl can be an interesting experience, if both parties are open and relaxed.
………

Fact is there is a lot of everything going on here. All I’m saying is that when guys comes over looking for a ‘holiday romance’ its all possible, you just have to be able to tell the weeds from the flowers.

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ambar December 11, 2006 at 8:17 pm
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The fact that many opportunist javanese girls around will not make bule stop dating them. Most of bule seen by these girls as a gateway for their boring live in java (or even secured her financial problem). I suggested to people who want ‘serious’ relation with javanese girl to look deeper into the socio culture. Balinese and Javanese were different. In Bali a woman has a responsibility to work while man dedicated himself into pura (religious activities). In another hand javanese girls tend to be depend on the husband’s life. They are not been born as independent girl. But the situation can be change if she had no choices to work as sole earner.

Regards,
Ambar

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Duck December 12, 2006 at 10:50 am
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What I’ve seen of the men in Bali is, they hang around doing little more than drinking Arak and stroking their cocks (by that I mean male fighting chickens). Oh, that and they spend a lot of time discussing matters of great import amongst themselves…like that’s going to change anything. The women seem to do all the work. Ever seen a man balancing a plate full of offerings on his head?

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MARK SPARK December 19, 2006 at 4:05 am
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“Stroking their Cocks….ha ha ha…i nearly died from laughter at that statement “”"

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Jim Lenbendigo December 28, 2006 at 6:55 pm
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A month ago my friend and I met 3 girls from Java at a discotech in Kuta. I have a girl back home so I was playing wingman, and after an hour of chatting and dancing and my friend buying drinks, my friend abruptly told me we were leaving.

Turns out his girl invited him to her hotel room, then later told him it would be 500,000 Rupiah!!!

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Mr. OKE July 25, 2007 at 9:22 am
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The story is true.

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Stavros July 27, 2007 at 1:23 am
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Yes i have had a few experiences with Girls from Java.Generally they are just after the money.I agree with Nick that the ones that have jobs are definately more honest.A prostitute in Australia is around $200-$250 just for the hour.For $80 i can do the horizontal folkdance all night in Bali.
Bargain..!

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Jony X July 28, 2007 at 7:23 am
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One mans blog is not everyones experience. 200% agree mate!

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lady July 29, 2007 at 7:48 am
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Im Javanese girl, been work in Bali for 4 years before as a manager in a hotel until i met my bule husband and move to Hongkong. My point is not every Javanese girls are as described (lack education, prostitutes, has low paid job etc) though i have to agree that many Javanese girl in Bali are not a good girl (most labeled as easy/cheap girl, But i believe that there are also so many girl like me, who is come from a good family, and having respectable job and have straigh mind/have self respect.

I have been traveling to many countries including Europe and America and i love western food, been to many expensive restaurants since when i was in Bali till now. Im a pretty girl and i have many western friends, and when i decided to married my English boyfriends love is my only reason, not for money or anything as i can take care myself. We are happy and are planning to move back to Bali soon. My point is not every Javanese woman are bad. For you that thinking about dating Javanese girl i can only say good luck and i hope you find the good one.

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Damien Borgas October 31, 2007 at 10:14 am
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i went out with a girl from Java in Bali in 98. Said she was a student. Wasn’t looking for anything except me.

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john December 1, 2007 at 10:08 am
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I met a girl in a bali night club vida loca in april. Man has that been an experince since then. When I 1st met her i expected nothing except a root for the night that turned into 2 weeks with her. I actually paid her 500,000 rp for that 1st night. After getting her pregnant I decided to go back 2 months later. She seems pretty decent but I can never be completely satisfied she tells me everything. She does maintain she wasnt a hooker and she just liked me. Well on my 2nd trip I decided for her to come to new zealand with me. During this time she lost the baby due to miscarrage. We talk alot on the phone. She doesnt work but her father is is a boss in immigration gives her money regularly. Well after a few greulling months of applying we finally got a 9 month visitor visa for her.
The more I read about bali lifestyle the more she fits the bill as a prositute. I always have that nagging suspicion she is lying to me in some areas. Im surprised how my committment as growen now its amazing. But im having 2nd thoughts about her coming to live with me…

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Genius December 5, 2007 at 8:14 am
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John…you met a girl in La Vida Loca, you paid her for a one night stand 500.000 and you still have doubts if she’s a working girl or not…

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Dhany December 6, 2007 at 1:21 pm
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Stavros | July 27th, 2007 at 1:23 am

Yes i have had a few experiences with Girls from Java.Generally they are just after the money……

Hey Stavros.. look Not only Javanese girl, most of the girls in the whole part of the world! Didn’t you notice that even 80% of american women merely married their husband just for their money? And even so, what is wrong with that? It happens since ages ago, men manipulate women, and women manipulate men. That is how the world goes. When you don’t want to be manipulated by girls, then be smart. These kind of girls are everywhere, they are just human, they want to survive. Nothing is wrong with that, as nothing is wrong with men whose manipulate these girls just for sex. When you don’t like that, then be smart and just avoid that. Bitter as it is, that is just the way the world goes. It happens EVERYWHERE.

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Rosco December 6, 2007 at 8:43 pm
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There are really good Javanese girls out there! Of course there are a lot of prostitutes in Bali and that is easy to see. If all you do is drink party and go to Kereoke Bars then that is all you are going to see.. If you just holiday and have fun and do things that you like, without thinking every girl is a prostitue, you will notice there are A LOT of beautiful nice and trust worthy girls on this island… And that includes Balanese, Javanese and Expats… I agree a lot with Dhany, I just want to add not all girls are after your money.

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Paul Krenz March 13, 2008 at 12:50 pm
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Well, there are gold digging women everywhere, especially in Bali, just as there are plenty of lelaki buaya in Bali that don’t want a commitment. What do you expect if all you want is some fling or short term relationship? You expect honesty from something like that?

If you want to meet a good woman, you have to have good intentions and not meet them in tourist locations for starters.

I can understand why the author wrote what he did though. I do know some gold digger women who moved to Bali for the purpose of getting a bule boyfriend to live with (kumpul kebo) and live off his money. However, I don’t feel sorry for the guy either, because he doesn’t exactly want to settle down with a local woman and get married.

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rob March 14, 2008 at 5:02 pm
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interesting comments here, i found my girl in a place called Santa Fe..3 years ago and yes she was a working girl from Java. I did’nt mind at that time…At the present she is living with me in Holland and we’re happy together. For the record: i’m 55 now, she is 29 shame on me??

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Pat April 12, 2008 at 8:13 am
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I met an Indo girl in a disco she wanted 500K gave her 800K next morning and took her to lunch. One month later still together. This one i really clicked with. She tells me she is 27 later I find out she is 21.
Im thinking i dont wana get too close with this girl because obviously a working girl and too young. Second week together one night she wants to go out so i suggest lets go out i want her to find a customer as when i leave thats whats gona happen anyway. We go to Paddys on Legian she meets some westerners only wana give 300k and some simply dont pay for girls, then she meets a nice one 700k. I say good, she doesnt know what to do & shes looking at me strange so I give the OK and i vanish so she can go with her customer. Meanwhile i bail next door and end up taking a girl myself. Sure enough 4 ocklock in the morning im asleep with this new one and she turns up after she has done the business. I never seen anyone so mad in all my life. She tried to punch me in the face was throwing stuff at me a she broke a bottle and walked over glass in bear feet. Then she sits on the floor on the glass and cries for a while and leaves. There is blood on the floor from her cuts. Lucky none of her cuts are too deep though. (The other girl is a 100 miles away at this stage)
Next afternoon she comes back and we are mates again. Basically we end up spending a month together in total. Money….didnt want to give her any and shes not asking. But bought milk and dipers for her 2ry old boy, paid her room for 2 months bought her a TV and gave her $300 australian when i left. Felt it was the least i could do. I think it was the best month of my life.
Now back in Australia my stupid ass realises this girl must have really liked me if shes sitting on glass and crying over me.
I thought about it for a while and i decided i can forgive her for her occupation, its not like she does it for drugs. She does it to pay her expences and send some money to her family back in her island. I so regret not treating her better as a few times i kept my distance when she wanted to get too close.
My feelings for her have increased since i left. Now im organising to return soon. I wana treat her like a princess this time. Im a slim and fit 38 year old and im gona gor for it.

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Issac May 1, 2008 at 1:32 am
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True, well I had a few Java girls..I was on holiday with ny cousin from NZ and we both single took Bali by storm… I remember every nite club being offered every girl…by police and all lol. I met one girl for purely casual buzz. and Was taken from the club with her miles out of Kuta to her village where I stayed for a week until I made some excuse to go back to the hotel….by that time they were worried and the Police were ready to look for me!!!! OMG I never got an ounce of sleep she wanted it every minute I was shattered and she kept saying you like you like…… No money passed hands apart from her asking for pocket money for her Mum who was sitting with a number of other members playing poker…. I stayed for a week….. I found out she ended up pregnant also…..ummm and thats where I will leave it…..beautiful people non judgemental…lovely heart….. good sex…. hell what else….The rest…well I got a rep after that and everytime I went back to the Bakungs Cottage the police would bring girls to my room I thought WTF… but was on holiday and having fun so what the hell……

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